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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!