Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
You call it multiple personality disorder... I call it being mayor of the little town in my head!
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
I don`t appreciate my son`s teacher circling all the wine stains on his homework.
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!