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You never really know someone until you break up with them. If they don’t go crazy and try to kill you than maybe you should give them a second chance.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Is it wrong, to put people on your bucket list?
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
The hardest things about beginning any new relationship has got to be learning how to fart quietly again.
I`m so fresh they call me "ferbreeze"
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.