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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
If “dress for the job you want” were true, there would be a lot more people wearing capes.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.