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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!