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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
If I was rich, I´d do nothing all day from a much nicer recliner.