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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
We would like to thank everyone that submits statuses to the site. Many get rejected because we don`t think they are funny, or they are unreadable, or they are to inappropriate and offensive.
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
Optimistic people want to hear the bad news first, while pessimists ask for the good. Realists just start drinking.
I think I`m going to run for political office, so people can dig up dirt on me. I have been wanting to piece together my twenties.
God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.