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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I have a black belt in leather
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.