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Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
The most misinformed people think they know all the facts.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
You’d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.