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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
Karaoke bars combine two of the worlds greatest evils—people who shouldn`t drink with people who shouldn`t sing.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
I was born at a very early age.
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.