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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
The more photos you have to untag, the better the weekend was.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Love going into a crowded area and yelling, "Hey stupid!!" and seeing how many people turn around.
You know you had a good night when you have to Google map yourself in the morning to find out where the hell you are.
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.