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The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you`ve been doing since you were 15.
Today everything gets answered by the magic eight ball
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Posting inspirational quotes online is the first sign to depression.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.