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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Please don`t post pictures of cats on my FB wall. I am allergic.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I bet the first person that heard a parrot talk really lost their sh!t.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
It’s not pretty being easy.