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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
If you give me a phone number or directions while I`m on the phone with you, just know that I`m using my very best finger pen and air paper.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
My stalker twisted his ankle, so now I have to walk slower for 2-3 weeks.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
One of my best talents is pretending to like people. Unfortunately, I only show it when no one`s around.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
For a one-way mission to Mars, we should send a blogger. Not so they can blog about the experience, but so there`d be one less blogger.