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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I should come with a warning label.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.