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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!