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someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Anyone says their wedding day was the best day of their lives has obviously never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
If you can’t face it, moon it.
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
I am hungry 25 hours a day
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness