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Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.
Sometimes I get shivers in my spine just thinking about how much tougher Popeye would`ve been if he`d eaten fresh spinach instead of canned.
I don`t know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
ever wonder if one day somebody will come knocking on your door and say “Hey we have 7 mutual friends on Facebook, can I come in?"
Chips have little nutritional value. That’s why you need to eat the whole bag.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.