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I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.