Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
I swear I heard my dentist whisper "yolo" as he reached for a chisel...
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" ... He in fact did.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen
There is no time to check time
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you`re doing it.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.