Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
Do I have a plan for the zombie apocalypse? I don`t even have a battery in my smoke detector...
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it”
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?