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Will be drunk until further notice.
"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
They might as well put "Uhhh..." in front of every item on drive-thru menus.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
My wife asked about my wildest sex fantasy, but she got pissed when I told her. I probably shouldn’t have started w/ “After your funeral...”
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy that just wanted to check out a girl’s butt.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?