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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement. -Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90`s TV
"Hi, I`m here to ruin your life" - Social media
I am not particularly bad at cooking but how long is pasta supposed to stay in the toaster ?
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
If it`s any consolation, your Doppelganger is probably having a really awesome day.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores