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I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
When in doubt, take a nap.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I tried jogging this morning, but the alcohol kept spilling out of my glass, f&ck that.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I wonder how many people die each year as a result of lifeguards running in slow motion.
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.