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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Whenever I try cleaning my room I either end up making a bigger mess, or just playing with the stuff I thought I lost.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Don’t let anybody push you around ... unless you’re in a wagon, cuz that is just plain fun.
You could pleasure me just by walking away.