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They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
Attention fuels immaturity
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
How does anything EVER get done at the bubble wrap factory??
*calling pizza place* "Hello?" Your pizza tastes like cardboard "Are you sure you`re not eating the box again?" *long pause* *click*
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.