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Ever been completely out of toilet paper that you send your kid next door to get some? Me neither, I just like to embarrass my kid.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
I hide my vodka in orange juice
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
There are times, when I actually am hungry like the wolf. But thanks to Duran Duran I can`t tell anyone without sound like a complete f*cking idiot
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.