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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I flunked anger management class.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"