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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Where do homeless people find all these sharpies?
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
After 20 years of marriage, my wife still makes me smile. At least for the pictures...
That awkward moment when you finally realize what your rice krispies are saying to you.
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Iām not shy, Iām just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
A group hug in my family means someone wants to use you as a napkin.
Without coffee, Iām just a really tall 2 year old.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So Iām off to find a bar with a mirror.