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One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Remember this when you are drunk: You can`t fall off the floor.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
that awkward moment when a bug or fly lands on your computer screen in your first reaction is to scare it away with the cursor.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
They say laughter is the best medicine... found out that`s not true for treating diarrhea.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."