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finally got my certification in the mail, I`m officially insane.
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
I forgot to post this earlier
People born in 1994-1999 have lived in three decades, two centuries, and two millenniums. & they are not even 18 yet.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”