Daily Silly Status

How come the energizer bunny beats a drum instead of doing something like working the cashier register at Wal-Mart?

Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.

I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.

Once your pants catch fire, the fact that you`re lying becomes less important.

I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.

At a wedding reception someone yelled: “All the married men please stand next to the person that made your life worth living” The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.

I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.

I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.

Why do we only crave what`s bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I`d kill for some salad."

It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.

I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"

I dream about naps.

If your pet has its own FB page, it might be time for a reality check...

I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...