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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Facebook stalking? BAH! In my day, we used to root through people`s garbage.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”