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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Who cares, WTF, OMG, so inappropriate, HOLY HELL ! Good LORD, not another selfie...WHOA NELLIE, NO, NO, and HELL NO!!! Me before unfriending someone.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
Somewhere in a parallel universe, I hope there’s a giant dog with a tiny woman in its purse.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?