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Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "AND, you live next door."
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
My credit score is just a picture of me crying in the front yard of a nice house.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.