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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
I`ll never forget what my dad said when I gave him the picture I drew and asked him to put on the refrigerator: "Wtf Dude, you`re 23."
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!