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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
My favorite exercise is somewhere between a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.