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Alcohol goes in, truth comes out.
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
In my defense, I was left un-supervised...
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
It`s time for all of us to admit the "endorphin rush" you get after exercise is just an overwhelming sense of relief it`s over
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!