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Nothing is as scary as logging into Facebook and seeing someone you were secretly with last night has uploaded a new album.
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Holy crap! I just realized that IΒ΄m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
I donβt love being single but I do love being happy.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didnβt know why she was mad at me.
You know you are in trouble when your mom screams your whole name.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)