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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention’ as their Facebook status.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
Turtles make an awesome jogging buddy.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Oh, so you are thinking about me? I am also thinking about myself.....
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
I cant wait to show everyone at work my new cough
Remind me why I work 40 hours a week to be this poor?
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!