Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
I bet the hardest part of working the poison control hotline is not finishing your sentences with "...you ignorant dumbass"
I prefer my kale with a silent "K"
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.