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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
If you blow out the kid`s Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now Iām drunk.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
Well after 6 months of my girlfriend nagging, I finally did it, I lost 120lbs ... I`m sure gonna miss her.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
It must be very hard to be a Nigerian lawyer who specializes in international inheritance law.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen