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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.