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I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
I don’t like people who can’t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches