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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I’m pretty much always down for a snack.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Absolutely is my favourite nothing to do...
I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
My favorite beer is the 15th one.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?