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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
The future is much like the present, only longer.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.