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Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Looking back, it was a good thing I was too wasted to fire up the chainsaw.
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.