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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Watching movies alone sucks. There´s no one to ask, "What did he just say? Who is that guy?"
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
you`re about as useless as a red light in grand theft auto
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.