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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
stupidity is a privelege entitled to everyone but you my dear are abusing this right
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don`t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.