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3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your house. Those bastads live forever.
I`ve been hiding from exercise. I`m in the fitness protection program.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!