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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.