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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
Like a good neighbor, stay over there
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.