Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.