Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
never be afraid to wipe twice
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
PRO TIP: If you walk around the mall hitting kids in the face with the shopping bags, your wife won`t make you carry them.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
Don’t you hate it when spiders bite you and you get like zero superpowers?