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If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.