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It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day ... Palm Sunday is just around the corner
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
I`m 84% less productive in a swivel chair.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time :(
People say nails on a chalkboard is the worst sound ever... I think it`s the alarm clock in the morning.