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A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I’m heading north to start a new life.
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
My wife always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.