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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
Bored? Text "Our condom broke." to a random number
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)