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Click Like, if you hate being told what to do.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
It takes patience to listen.., it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.