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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
"Trust me, you can dance." -Vodka
Do bees even have knees?
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
I don`t care if you`re here to murder me - we take our shoes off in this house.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
SAFETY TIP: Lock your doors and windows before bed. By the way, I love what you`ve done with the place.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!