Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Does Facebook offer a 401(k)?
What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?
Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That`s about as organic you`re gonna get out of me.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
I don`t like Instagram. It reminds me that somewhere people are doing stuff. I just don`t need that kind of pressure.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
One day you will meet someone so amazing in every way who will want absolutely nothing to do with you.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
At this age, I drive everything like I stole it because sometimes I forget which car is mine.
When in doubt, procrastinate.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.