Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.