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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I`m going to be the first person to land on the sun! I know what your thinking and thats why I will be going at night.
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
Ive been invited to farmville! Now what to wear...
Remembering to remember is always the first thing I forget.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.