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Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It`s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Raise the bar..? Like go and drink upstairs..?
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye