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Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I was flattered.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.
Today’s Generation: “Omg my parents never let me have anything.” via iPhone.