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What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna´ be a great day.
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!