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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Take my advice, Iām not going to use it.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.