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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I`ve created a shoe made out of Legos, so when you step on Lego it doesn`t hurt. You just get taller.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.