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I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
When she says she`s madly in love with you, concentrate more on the word madness.
did you notice when you yell "yo ugly" about 10 people turn around
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Drinking: because why not intensify the feelings you’re trying to escape?
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Happy Birthday to someone I would donate some non-essential organs to, and the fact that a Facebook reminder told me it was your birthday doesn´t make it any less special. Plus I live so far away that your birthday requires almost no effort on my part. And sorry I tried to kill you all those times when we were
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?