Daily Silly Status

Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?

So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.

This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Were this to be an actual emergency you’d be screwed, because no one takes this seriously.

Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?

A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.

I`m at my neighbor`s house having a delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home.

Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .

God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.

Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?

Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave

I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".