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I don`t have any "driving the speed limit" music.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
It`s all fun and games until you find out she`s a psychotic bitch...
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
It`s kind of weird that beams of electricity strike down from the sky and we`re all just okay with it.
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.