Daily Silly Status

Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.

Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy

Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?

I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?

I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!

"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.

auto-correct has got to be my worst enema.

9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip

Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.

Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.

I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale

Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.

I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.

My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.