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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I am actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done. When I was on drugs, I couldn`t even find my bike!
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
All I`m saying is there`s a reason all the best love songs have the word crazy in them.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...