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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
The closer you are to the toilet, the harder it is to hold it in.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
Changing a whole text message just because you didn`t know how to spell one word?
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Sitting out in my front yard pointing a hair dryer at speeding cars to see if any slow down.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
That urge you get to write "No one gives a sh!t" on someone`s status..
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.