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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
It has been scientifically proven that any woman can be satisfied with only 3 1/2 inches — and it doesn’t matter if it is Visa or MasterCard
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I just saw a poster that said, "Have you seen this man?" with a number to call ... So I called the number and told them, "no."
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?