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We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I can`t face my checkbook so I check my Facebook.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.