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Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.
Much to my daughters horror, I just sang along to Ace of Base`s “The Sign” at full volume in a van full of her friends. Being a dad is fun!
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Limbo champion walks into a bar...he`s disqualified.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit".
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I will stop loving you, when Spongebob gets his driving license.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you