Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
If you insist on sending me pics of your boobs please at least be a female!!
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
I don’t know how your day is going, but I just got lucky on the couch! Yep, I found a dollar!
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?