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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Nothing says “I hate you” like giving someone’s child a drum set.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Alcohol doesn`t make you fat, it makes you lean..........against tables, chairs, walls, and garbage cans.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
If something`s worth doing, it`s worth doing rihgt.