Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
My doctor said Iām healthy enough for sex, just not attractive enough.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Screw doing situps...teddy bears don`t and everyone loves them.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.