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Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
The difference between me & normal people is the normal
I always buy a Get Well Soon card for the couple who invites me to their wedding.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"