Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Thank goodness I`m loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can`t blame it on the alcohol.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I wasn`t planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I’m not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.