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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
Yet another advantage of being single. All I bring to Thanksgiving is empty Tupperware...
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
When I see a shoe on the side of the road I wonder if Cinderella is in a nearby house.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I`ve been single for a while and I have to say, it`s going very well. Like... It`s working out. I think I`m the one.