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I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
Oops is farting in the elevator and thinking it would be silent.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
Sometimes, I wonder if the weather app on my phone even looks outside.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
Iām amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?