Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
You know something bad is about to happen when someone says "Hold my beer and watch this."
Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald’s doesn’t serve breakfast after 10:30.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
Nothing screams "I don`t care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
Just signed a $320,000, nine year deal with my therapist.