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therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
My new years resolution was to lose 30 pounds by the end of summer. I`ve only got 40 pounds to go.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Hello...
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.