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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I believe in love at first episode.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
If you can afford a gym membership, you can afford deodorant.
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time