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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
If thought bubbles appeared over our heads, I would get punched in the face a lot more.
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......