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My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
I am addicted to Cold Turkey. Not sure how I will ever quit that one.
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
why me is me ?
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.