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real eyes realize real lies
The reason Rump Roast is called Rump Roast is because nobody would eat it if it was called Cow A$$
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
At Starbucks drive up window. Me: large iced chai please Them: you mean a venti? Me: large iced chai. Them: we call a large a venti. Me: Do you want a large tip or a venti tip? Them: large iced chai, please pull up.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/
I had your cake and ate it too.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal