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They say a woman’s work is never done. Maybe that’s why they get paid less.
The best way to deal with dumb people is to never leave your house sober
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
I just spent an hour at the gym. I couldn’t find a close enough parking spot so I left.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
You can`t be late until you show up