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Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
National no bra day wasn`t as successful as the creators had hoped. due to sagging attendants and lack of support.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.