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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow
The only people without problems are in the cemetery.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.