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It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them......the police call it indecent exposure but whatever.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.