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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
Tattoos are an expensive and a painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
GF - What`s that beeping? Me - Fasten Seatbelt Alarm. GF - How can you ignore something so annoying? Me - Huh?
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?