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After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Is beer cheaper on cyber monday?
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!