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Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
That annoying feeling when you finally downloaded the movie you wanted to watch and BOOM!... It`s in French. #F**kYouFrance
Shout out to the guy behind me flashing red & blue lights.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
CPR is the human version of blowing in to a video game cartridge hoping it`ll work again.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!