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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
I`m great in bed....i can sleep for days.
Fire at will! Oh, it`s you, Bob! Fire at Bob!"
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Getting my kids to the airport always feels like I`m recreating the first 10 minutes of "Home Alone."
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.