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I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve.
I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
When you were little, “I’m going to tell your mom” was the scariest sentence ever.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
DiGiorno should start delivering, just to screw with people.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.