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I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...