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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.