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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I love a woman in uniform. I mean naked.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.