Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
Stop leaving me messages. If I ever wanted to talk to you again, I wouldn’t have borrowed all that money.