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Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I met this girl in a club last night, I think she’s a body builder. She just so happened to build hers using chips.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
We didn`t take a video recording of our child`s birth but we have some awesome video of his conception.
If you are the one who stole my computer yesterday, please disregard the folder labeled, "Nature photographs." Thanks.
Sign in a grocery store: Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.