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My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red